My ovaries are trying to kill me…

18 Oct

Well, kinda drastic I suppose but once a month I want to divorce my family. It usually happens only one or two days out of the month, for a few hours but it’s enough that you could swear I’m able open the gates of hell and unleash the fury of Satan himself.

It’s been something that began about 4 years ago and has grown progressively worse with each year. Is this menopause? Please be menopause…. Because that would mean there is an end in sight and I’m not just a raging lunatic bitch and one day, some day, I might just be me again all days of the month.

Well darn!

And thank you Baby Jesus for the I’m hoping some men out there will read it and get a better clue on how to deal with their once sweet, adorable wives who are evolving into a real life Gollum.

Look husbands! There is hope!

It’s hard to control what you just can’t control. So any advice is totally welcome.


Fuck you Pinterest

17 Oct

I’ve been at again. This Pinterest shit.

It happens every year, usually around my birthday. I break out the sewing machine, fire up the hot glue gun, and with my staple gun in hand it’s time to get all crafty. Not just any crafty though, this is Pinterest kinda crafty. This is taking the whole “look what I made!” to an entirely new level.

What a blessing and a curse Pinterest is. I’ve been told men created it to keep their women busy cooking barefoot in the kitchen and I believe it. It’s heaven for all those do it yourselfer’s with more ideas then sense (like me). I have made all kinds of cool stuff for practically nothing and because of that, I want to just keep making more stuff. In which case, I then resort to behaving like a bag lady. I look for good curbside junk on trash day, I can’t help it I’m cheap. Don’t knock it either, I acquired a crystal chandelier a few weeks back on trash day. Unfortunately, when I get this itch this time of year, it cannot be contained.

What triggered the madness this year? Pallet outdoor furniture. Oh the possibilities, for crack cheap too. Just look at these ideas!

The first question was, what do I make first!? Where can I get all the pallets I need for practically nothing? I put the word out and with the help of several friends I snagged a few free pallets. So, a week later I had 6 total. Spent $10 on some twin sized foam bunk bed mattresses at a thrift store, and let the fun begin.

I ended up using some random stuff I had collected over the years, white sheets, sheer curtains, skim board, plant stand, Christmas lights, the rug my puppy prefers to shit on. All went outside into my new cheap paradise. Now, it’s fucking South Beach on my patio! All for a total of $10. No pretentiousness required. 

And at night…

“I like to make the sexy time.” – Borat Sagdiyev

That’s the first pallet project. I have plans for an herb garden, bed platforms, and maybe another couch set up in yard complete with a DIY firepit. That’s what this blog is about… Kids, recipes, pets and re-purposing one piece of junk at a time. This is gonna be glorious.